泡泡

话说刁曼岛回来，手指内侧生满小小水泡。

想着怎么会这样。

后来才想起我前天早上，拿着两个装了热水的杯面，走了一段路。

应该是被热水的蒸气蒸到的。

妈的。
我手指有这么娇嫩吗？

跟我刚强的形象完全不符。

发呆的最佳场景

发呆，居然也有最佳场景的。

我已经找到了~~

一望无际的天空、深浅蓝分明的大海，伴着海风与海浪声。

一级的享受。

（冰条与冰淇淋是optional... haha..）

公式化

当撰写文字成为工作。

同时又没有适当的进修、没有文学素养，

文字也变得乏味，没有气质，严重缺乏灵气。

一支歌，一段古——Kau Ilhamku

很少听马来歌。

今天早上心血来潮转去听Capital FM。

结果听到这首熟悉的马来歌。

应该是大学时代认识这首歌的，听过几次便记得了。旋律动听。

今天才认真地细味歌词。

很诗意的歌词。

"Izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu"

如果我翻译的话，应该是：“容许我偷你的剪影？”
哈哈。




Kau Ilhamku.

你是我的灵感？我的inspiration.

词、曲、编曲都是佳作~~ Man Dai唱得好。

下次唱K要点唱。

大学玩band时应该唱这首歌啊~~

一夜长大

投票日。

我的工作是负责输入选票数字、成绩。

负责的是霹雳州。下午5点开始准备。


大约7点多，malaysiakini很快地出现非官方数字。

都是民联领先的消息。某主任化身广播员，异常兴奋。

xxx领先啊。yes....！

每次他广播，都跟坐在远处、面对面的同事对望，然后默契地翻白眼。= =

心想，非官方的成绩，随时逆转啊，不能作准。


我和坐在隔壁的副刊同事，很冷静。

冷静到后来很多人站在电视前，我们还是坐在位子上，远远地冷眼旁观。

冷静到老总经过时、都忍不住停下来说：你们很冷静哦。

看了老总一眼。

“都是非官方的啊。”

然后我的冷静在AEC主播分享黄德暂时领先，那安南要割耳朵、看到himpunan hijau share 黄德领先时，破局。

大臣耳朵！！！！！切掉！！！跳河。

高兴了一阵子，成绩逆转。

然后据说霹雳州执政！yes! 我们等了很久，夺权事件历历在目。

接听怡保同事的电话。我的州席和国席大获全胜，得票很高！！！高兴！

这是我的选区！！我兴高采烈跟素未谋面的怡保同事说。

面子书出现：

光明日报：官方数字：黄德输了300多票。

我不相信。然后听到有人说，逆转了！多数票300多。

（跟我默契翻白眼的同事负责key in 彭亨州成绩，她说她难过得掉眼泪。T.T ）


后来听到老总说，选委会宣布霹雳州由国阵夺得。: (


在国阵夺得112个国席，民联入主布城无望时，办公室、面子书和whatsapp，一片寂静。

同事们没有围着电视了，目无表情地工作。坐我i对面的可爱同事开始不断叹气。


霹雳州的成绩陆陆续续出炉。面子书开始有人将profile pic改成黑色。

我的胃也开始痛了，喝了太多咖啡？

我也负责输入废票数量。

霹雳州有个选区是废票超越多数票的。（！！！！？）

我接受不到民联夺不回霹雳州。

我们等州议会解散好久了！！

那一刻觉得，哇，政治，人民不够这个败坏的体制玩。

我们只是普通人，手段、黑箱作业我们学不来。

马来西亚没有未来啊。选举不公啊。怎么打？不可能赢啊！天方夜谭。

连不褪色墨汁也会褪色，仿佛我们的未来也一样渐渐褪色。


第一个念头是，移民。

新加坡？不要。澳洲？

澳洲有山有海有美丽城市，风光明媚。
肯收留我吗？会找到工作么？我英文够好吗？



----

输入成绩的工作完成。

看了看霹雳州成绩，到底差了多少席？？？？

3席！！！
居然是3席！！！

霹雳州的命运吗？宿命？

我确实难以释怀。疯子般一直喃喃自语，3席，3席，3席！！！！

无语问苍天。


回到家中，目无表情地将profile picture 换成黑色。然后看到大家的profile pic都黑漆漆的。

那么多弊端。多可悲？人民居然要变成ghostbusters，守着投票中心。外劳也有身份证，也可以投票。

什么民主国家啊？
what kind of country is this？！



庆幸后来在facebook看到这篇文。

https://www.facebook.com/notes/rosheen-fatima/so-bn-is-still-in-power/10151576117513891

 by Rosheen Fatima 


居然在看这篇文、短短时间里面，释怀、明白、理解、recover。
快到我自己也吓倒。（年轻啊？呵呵~~~）

谢谢她写了篇好文章，完完全全安慰了我。

“We are a tiny, tiny middle class online savvy minority. It is because your social circle expected a certain outcome that you did too. But we do not represent the majority, and we don't even interact with them. ”
“Because that is all they see, that is what they know, the bribe money that they get means so much to them because they have close to nothing. And it's sad to say that that is the majority that we do not know.”
“So instead of turning your profile pictures black, if you really believe in change and the party you support, start planning now. Start the campaign to win the hearts of the people outside the urban areas, the people in the heartland. We know what's going on, they don't. Go talk to them.

And Malaysians, get to know the other Malaysia. Don't criticise them for voting the way they feel is right. Speak to them, get to know them, understand their plight, their needs, their wants. Then campaign to them, the urbanites are practically campaigning for you already.”
“And don't wait until a few months before the elections to campaign. Start now.
Start fighting for measures to be put in place for a better electoral system now.
Start making those in power more accountable for their actions. Start making your candidates accountable for the promises they made. Stop allowing mudslinging and racism and sexism to flourish in our government.

You won't stand for it, make your candidate not stand for it. Make them fight for a proper democracy over the next 5 years.

Then we can see a change.

It doesn't happen overnight. it doesn't come with one day every five years. And it definitely won't come if you give up.”

“Take the small victories. No one ever said that the journey would be short or easy. 
Did anyone ever think that PR would make inroads into the birthplace of UMNO, Johor? I didn't, but they did.
Did anyone expect 80% of registered voters to turn out to vote? I didn't, but they did.”

And we've been trying for what 10 years?
Come on Malaysia, grow up.
Yes, you're sad, but a fight is a fight, it goes on.

Democracy doesn't happen overnight, democracy is a journey.
Just because there are hurdles and obstacles in your way doesn't mean you give up.
You train for the next race. 
And maybe that one you'll win.


"Lose the battle, win the war"
'Art of War' - Sun-Tzu

对我而言，每一句都说到我的心坎去，每一句都是重点。

然后我愿意去睡觉了。化悲愤为力量。

临睡前，脑海闪过一句话。

“一夜长大”。 呵呵。

所以选了这首歌。

加油！